Fifty years should be celebrated. I have outlasted Nixon, the Edsel, the Cold War, and insanity. Okay maybe not so much the insanity. I now will call it, second childhood.

Never having had children of my own, I am currently living an experience that is better suited to someone of much younger age and with a much YOUNGER spouse.  I find the places I go now are much different than before.  I went to work, the occasional seminar, the grocery, maybe a social event, and the pharmacy.  Not so anymore.

I missed a wedding (my boss's) and the follow up party he had for those of us who could not attend.  I missed the public policy seminar and the board meeting at which I would become a member of the public policy group.  I missed lunch with a friend, having my nails done, and two trips to the doctor for me.  However, in return I have visited a pre K, two emergency rooms, a plastic surgeon (child's scars, not my face lift or liposuction), chuckie cheese for a birthday party, k mart three times a week, the grocery twice a week, dollar general even more, and the playground,  three of them.  I have not been to work in a week.  Lysol is now my friend.  So is children's motrin and sudafed cough and cold.  I can now treat stains beyond blood and grease to include sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, fruit punch, spaghetti sauce, spaghetto's ( not to be confused with spaghetti sauce), prunes, plums, and grape juice.  I buy bodywash that is not fresh, citrus, or jasmine/freesia, but chamomile on the hopes it does work to calm babies and get them ready for bed.  I say "go to bed", "no," and "sit back from the TV "in my sleep.  Meat is not a necessity to have in the house (unless it is hot dogs), but milk, juice, cookies, and popsicles are.  I have learned that one must "rinse" the popsicle container to loosen the popsicle or the whole contraption will break up (thank you Michael for that expense.).  And that planning early and often is the only way to go somewhere, have birthdays, and dog food.  Children will always want to touch the dog and cat, if not hug them.  Even the big dog that bites.  Dogs paw slaps are as bad as dog bites.  Children are incredibly stubborn and while we believed what our parents told us, today they believe what the TV tells them.  Oh and children with colds only get worse and worse, then suddenly better.  Of course, they are better and you are exhausted.  Oh, and they never get sick at the same time...well not completely.  One gets sick, worse as the next one starts, and the cold cycle moves from two weeks to six weeks.  Sleeping is not an option.  Hell, I could have just stayed off the hormones at this point.

The good news is we are surviving...more or less.  The bad news is Christmas is coming and planning is looking like the least of the new lessons.

Posted by: ginnygk at 14:42 | link | comments (1)

Amazing, large numbers of people willingly standing in line to vote.  And no one leaves.  A major change in the number of registered voters.  Upward!  I stood in a line for over 20 minutes.  Sound like I got a good deal?  Not when you consider that the number of people in my community numbers 1500 and many took part in early voting.  There were 35 people in line when I got to the polling place.  There were 15 inside and 25 in line when I left.  As awful as this sounds, I didn't know half of them could read, let alone vote. 

Sadly we have two uglies rearing their heads in this election cycle.  First. Ballot initiatives, here in Florida amendment 2, that wish to designate marriage parameters.  Discrimination by any other name is such as it is.  And it is ugly.  Why is it anyone else's business who you marry, sleep with, live with, as long as they are not under age.  Remember when mixed marriage was illegal.  What is mixed marriage today?  Nothing but a topic of ancient news.  So now we deal with the subject on another level, gays/lesbians.  And make no mistake, first and foremost it is discrimination.  But here in Florida, the amendment also affects the older citizens and those who are not married by keeping them from protection in areas of health care and benefits.   So in the zeal to deny and discriminate, we destroy rights for many.  Collateral damage?  Just plain wrong.

Another ugly appeared last night in a Jekyll and Hyde moment for my husband.  Voting for the N*##%$.  Protesting against a man who serves his country as a Senator because of the color of his skin.  At what point are we going to get beyond this?  One would think the small world access we have acquired through communications, globalization, the Internet, people would understand that it is more about the person than their skin color.  But alas, some people still live in that world of stupidity.  For decades I have thought the most ridiculously stupid and pathetic among my acquaintances were those in the KKK.  Well they are still out there.  One sign I saw said, "BARAK HUSSEIN OBAMA - DO YOU WANT A BLACK TERRORIST FOR PRESIDENT?"  ummm so is this about his being black?  having terrorist ties?   being named Hussein like millions of others? a combination?  huh?  all of the above?  none of the above?  Am I the only one who sees all this as stupid?  Well of course not.  I may have voted for the black guy, but not because of his name, his color, his religion, his marital status or "designation" and sexual preference. 

I voted for the people I thought could do the job, had the courage of their convictions, and IDEAS.  Qualifications that are far more important than those other things.  except of course which one is cuter, which person is most attractive in a uniform, which one has the most ethnic diversity.  oh or the one who is best dressed or looks best in tight jeans.  those qualifications broke any ties.

Posted by: ginnygk at 00:49 | link | comments

I am exhausted and would love to be sleeping, but the only time I can work is when the kids are asleep.  Early in the week, people are coming out to bring more stuff for the kids.  I have accomplished in a week two weeks what the parents never accomplished.  Reality check.  Kids are a responsibility and there are people out there you can find to help when you need it.  However, the day to day stuff is all up to you.  So I am cleaning, trying to work through the day to day needs, and see the bright side.  The funny thing, I never had children, flirted with wanting them briefly, decided I was not cut out for mothering. 

There is so much balancing.  A two year old has to have dozens of stitches because she doesn't listen.  Husband does a pity party...all about him.  Kids play loudly, gives spouse a headache.  He drinks to get over it.  Babies do not do much on command, but they do stare at you as though you have lost your mind if you try to make them.  I know how they feel.  There are tons of laundry and dozens of dishes to be done.  I am thinking about how days can be so long, how soon this will end, and if there are any possible reasons to believe his son will be a grown up before the kids are grown up.

I missed a very important event today.  The wedding of my boss.  It was important for many reasons, they are very happy, I have been around since nearly the beginning and saw the love bloom.  It would have been nice to be there for the ultimate moment.  I could have dressed up.  The food was catered by three of the best restaurants in town because of the connections of our business.  There were adults to talk to.  But here I sit, recovering from a 12 hour day of babies, sick children, jealous children, and cleaning.    Someone says my turn will come soon.  I hope people will stop saying that.  Every time they do, it just gets more.  At my age I should be seeing a plastic surgeon for fine lines and liposuction.  Instead I am seeing one for children's scars.   My turn?

Posted by: ginnygk at 01:31 | link | comments (1)

The experience is more than I ever wanted and I must admit that three are way too many.  I am a lot of things, and uncontrolled masochist is not one of those things.  The lessons learned are more important than I imagined.  Structure is absolutely necessary, rewards are easy, discipline is not.  Tuning out some things is essential.  Paying close attention to others things is not.  The reality is hard, fun, enlightening, tiresome, irritating, joyous, interesting, exhausting.

Watching a five year old run to the door of the school she is so excited to attend is very fun.  Knowing she is very smart and loves to work things out on her own is gratifying.  Watching her work out (by accident) that her mother left her homeless and hasn't cared enough to call or come by is horrifying.  One should never see that look on a child's face. 

Playing dress up is much more fun when it is someone else discovering a new use for an old used satin nightgown.  It is also embarrassing when she creates a perfectly put together look with things you cannot and you have had them for years, trying to figure it out... sigh...

Tomorrow they will be three again, for at least a while.  One mommy will come with them.  The fairy princess is back!  There will be Halloween to plan for and costumes to get.  Then a first birthday to give and holiday baking and planning to start.  Need to get to the layaway department for gifts so Christmas is somewhat normal.  There are shots due, shoes to buy, diapers to get (that is a never ending need) and life goes on...Too bad I can't just sleep through it all.

Posted by: ginnygk at 20:00 | link | comments (1)

Sometimes it is a minor thing, to get up, see the sun and feel the day will continue.  And some things are more monumental, personally monumental.  The past few days I have been blessed with a monumental.  I have such great friends.  I have received calls, emails, letters,e cards, from friends and some family, but mostly friends for my birthday.  Each of these emphasizes my feelings of security in a world both macro and micro where security is limited.  Each day brings new challenges for me and I don't like most of them.  But for a brief few hours I have been the recipient of words both spoken and written that show me I am not alone and people do care. 

All the gifts have been small but show that people listen to me and what I like and what I appreciate.  There is the lovely teapot, which is not for show, but for use.  The new mask for my collection and the ring and earrings that are both feminine and impractical.  I received my mother's pendant that she has worn for as long as I remember.  I got a gift card to use where I wish, which as if you know me you can guess, went to a book place (Amazon in this case).  I could write a book on the books I have bought in the last year.  Amazon Prime Rocks!

But the fact that so many people give of their time for saying and doing for me.  This is great!  One friend who has so much going on, another who is far away and has too much going on, another with a new job and so much going on, and another who is always too busy for his own good and working and has a new life working and new life personally, all made the effort and today, I feel well liked.  Good Day!

Posted by: ginnygk at 00:34 | link | comments (2)

This blog is concatenation because goodly parts of my existence are formulated based on this principle.  Case in point.  For a few weeks I have been chronicling my life of tribulations, as the bad piles up and the good is well, faded into gray.  First we have to refile for bankruptcy.  Then the stepson and three daughters must move in because they have nowhere else to go.  Men with children have a problem in homeless shelters.  Mothers and children may stay together, but fathers and children, especially daughters cannot always be accommodated.  Then there was the cut in hours to part time and the inability to pay for gas and other stuff forced me into unemployment.  The family moved in.  The bankruptcy payments are short, who can pay payments like that when they are unemployed.  The spouse finds he must have surgery on his hand, most likely, and that puts even more medical bills on the agenda, x rays and more doctor visits.  I can get unemployment, but it is $50 less than before, so that is another couple hundred we are missing.  and the piece de resistance'???????  The stepson gets arrested last night for peeling out from a light and when he is pulled over he is wanted on a warrant on a VOP because of a traffic ticket he got in May.  We now have three children in our house and no parent in sight.  One in jail, one in New York, and one who is just happy she didn't have to worry about her daughter since she is with us.  I know it isn' a full moon.  I have refrained from breaking mirrors, spilling salt, or walking under ladders.  I think I want to scream.  But after today, I am just too tired. 

Posted by: ginnygk at 01:43 | link | comments (1)

So they found Fossett's plane.  Kinda makes those gossipy, mean spirited people who said it was all a stunt look bad.  Rich, poor, good, bad, gossip makes it all seem like a story.  I do want to say the man may not be a hero to people, but he did live it.  He did so many things people just dream about.  None of them were things I wish to do, but to think he lived out his aspirations and expectations in today's world of greed, sloth, and rudeness is a feat to behold, in itself.  I am sorry for his passing, but I am glad it is most likely confirmed.  So petty, jealous people...HA!

Congress did not pass the bailout.  People at home didn't like it.  ummm people at home thought you were just bailing out the companies that were failing.  You did not explain that the failing you were bailing out was the economic foundation.  Though our basic policies are sound, our overall ability to meet the demands of trade and commerce are teetering.  Mostly because of the greed of a few and the merger and acquisition phase of deregulation that created too large companies and too little competition.  When five or six companies swallow every competition company, there is bound to be problems.  And loaning money on the American dream?  That only works when wages keep up with prices, which those of us in the trenches of middle and lower classes know has not been the case in decades.  Policies that are good for business mean the oversight agencies must be dilligent.  If it doesn't seem right, it ain't folks!  Now elected officials, read the damn thing and explain it better and vote on it.  You gotta pay it now, or pay it later.  Later always costs more.

Okay, he asked me to come in and do the books one or two days a week and we would work out pay.  Then he said if I didn't he would put an ad in the paper for someone parttime.  Then he said his mom might come in to run the business, which is what I was doing.  and now I am supposed to go in and show her what I have been doing, how to run the programs, and what I have set up so she can do it and find out how to integrate it better (can't but then ??????????).  So why did he ask me if I could come in and work? 

Time was, I loved my life and the people in it.  Every day was a new adventure, a new learning experience.  Politics was ridiculous for its often refusal to hear itself.  Not having a lot of money was okay, because so many things didn't cost a lot to do, have, or see.  Now the gas alone is a half day's pay to get to and from anywhere.  I no longer love my life.  I no longer think in possibilities.  I think what person that I know or do not know is going to come along to mess up what little I have?  What person is going to talk bad and make my life indirectly miserable?  What promise is going to be made and rescinded in nearly the same breath?

It is 3pm.  I am ready for bed.

 

Posted by: ginnygk at 20:04 | link | comments (1)

I want to live on a mountain, far away from everyone and everything.  I might or might not tell where I am.  I would like to make one trip a month to town for supplies and limited trips for other reasons.  I want to have windows with vistas and a fireplace or two for warmth.  I want silence and happy thoughts and the sight of nature without all the insanity that comes from life.  I want to read, write, listen, hear.  I do not want to talk, argue, solve problems.  I abdicate those to others who will do a better job than I.  I need to not know the problems of the world, those in the world, those in my world.  I need to walk for miles and ride when I feel the urge.  I need to breathe deeply and not inhale smoke.  I need my animals to be safe and happy and free from the constrictions of bad manners, bad animals, bad training.  I need to be, just be.

Posted by: ginnygk at 16:25 | link | comments (2)

This a post about texting, talking on a cell phone and driving.  It may offend or upset.  If this is something you do or you upset easily, please read.

Tuesday, a young girl's life came to an end.  It was a swift and horrible end that could have taken the lives of more than 20 others, including those who stopped, jumped out of vehicles and rushed onto a burning bus to save the lives of children they did not know.  A mother also ran into the smoke and flames to rescue her children.  There is a lot of injury involved, some of the injuries critical.  One rescuer had to make a choice to leave the girl who died because he could not get her free from the twisted wreakage caused by a semi tractor trailer going sixty miles per hour before it slammed into the back of the bus.  He did not stop, slide, brake, see the bus with the flashing lights, yellow, red, strobe, or the signs.  The bus is stopped on the road, discharging children on a clear day with no hills or curves to use as an excuse.  He did not see the big yellow bus with the flashing lights.  He was on his cell phone when he hit the bus.  I hope the conversation was important.  It is probably the most important conversation he will ever have in his life.  The price...a 13 year old girl with a big smile, a friend to many, a member of the band, and someone's daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend...

Just days before a child is hit because he is so busy texting he doesn't see the car before he steps off the curb.

A woman hits and permanently injures a mother and child in a stroller.  The mother nor the child will ever walk, again.  The driver is texting on her phone, arguing with her boyfriend about his plan to go to the gym and meet her later that originally planned.

A man strikes two kids and a block later an older man as he drives and texts his friends about the great sex he had the night before.  The two kids died, the older man is brain dead.

This list can go on.  The message is clear.  The heroes here should be acknowledged.  AND I DO.

It takes a second to get the second r into your message.  It takes a second to kill a child on a bus on her way home from school.  Which is more important to you?

Frances Margay Schee 1995-2008

Posted by: ginnygk at 22:46 | link | comments (3)

I have gone forth and seen the light.  Unfortunately, it costs money and while I am extremely poor only sometimes and just poor others, this is an extremely time.  One who has not been at this place does not understand what is given up to survive. 

Food, cleaning supplies (you just make do with what you have), mowed yards, and medicines that are not vital to stay alive (and even a few of those) are all not purchased.  Mental and physical comfort is not among the medicines you keep on the list.  These fall in the category of skin cream, special cleaners for face and body, good shampoo, and oil of olay.  So I am now without the hormones that were improving my life and making me human again.

It has been about 10 days and I am already feeling poorly.  Like that?  Southern term for, "feel like S*#%." I stopped sleeping well last Friday.  I stopped thinking well today.  I have had a hot flash and two nights of sleeping on top of the covers.  I lost my temper yesterday with my boss (he deserved it but I usually refrain from yelling at him, at least first thing Monday morning) and today with my shi shi dog who just is happy I am home for him to sit with.  I feel the stress mounting as the day goes on and the son who is moving his happy ass back in with us, still has not called.  I am perturbed at the fact he did not let us know when the granddaughter's birthday party was, even though he called twice for no apparent reason except to tell us what he got for his car. We don't know when or if he is coming and we are going to be gone tomorrow all day.

I am only working three days a week now, so the boss can have a wedding and finally get around to getting the problems of his mortgage solved.  Oh and have money and time for his new business.  I love doing 43 hours worth of work in 25 hours, though currently I am considering doing the bare minimum to get by.  I was told what I do was not my forte, despite having done it for more years than he has been alive.  Also was told he thought he had no intention of my staying past 6 months or so, a transition job...I had told him otherwise.  And he has expected me to take on his new company and do their work as well.  I want to be 23 and stupid again.

There is something to be said about always being at a crossroads.  I don't know what it is, but I am sure there must be.  I do know the letter to the editor I wrote has garnered an unusually high response from my friends and acquaintances (do I need to say it wasn't nice to an elected official?) So pithy and vicious seem to be back. 

I remember being happy, when each day a joy and every problem just another thing to solve and learn from.  It is buried in the times that are now my dementia, waiting for resurfacing, but too tired to recognize them if it appears.  Joy, isn't that a song by Beethoven?

Posted by: ginnygk at 23:11 | link | comments (2)