Fifty years should be celebrated. I have outlasted Nixon, the Edsel, the Cold War, and insanity. Okay maybe not so much the insanity. I now will call it, second childhood.

A few months ago, my doctor sent me on a quest to find the information I needed to feel better.  Menopause was literally making me lose my mind.  I felt bad, could not get motivated, hated everyone and everything.  Now those things are not completely unlike how I have felt for years, but then something happened that was just unacceptable.  I lost my brain.  I could not not find things in front of my face, lost the motivation to think about what needs to be done, and would forget from moment to moment what I was doing, while doing it.

I took his advice and began to read about bioidentical hormones (human identical).  Not synthetics like Prempro or Premarin and not the stuff you buy in the health food store.  Real pharmaceutical (supplied by a drug company though you would never know it by the way they all act) hormones like our bodies generally made back when they were young, healthy, functioning.  So I read and read, the good, the bad, the reality, the made up stuff.  Drug companies, by the way, do not like BHRT because it cannot be patented.  They can't make billions on it.  Oh darn. 

I did the homework.  I don't take the estrogen, estradiol, because, 1) don't really need estrogen (it was fine if not too high without the others), 2) estradiol taken by mouth is not good for the liver and by pill make have some relation to the growth though not the cause of breast cancer, 3) there are other estrogens that are not harmful, estriol is one.  It is the weakest of the estrogens and yet does the same work without the harm.  I do take progesterone and testosterone and I am about to take the T3 and T4 for thyroid.  Another lesson learned there.

Thyroid medicines, those we know are put out by drug companies, Synthyroid is the main one, are only one of the two thyroid hormones.  You need both.  Armourthyroid is actually a combination, though not really good with supplying the T3.  My sister has been on Synthyroid since the partial loss of her thyroid to surgery decades ago.  She is overweight, tired, and always looking for sleep.  They have never regulated her meds to help her.  She is a candidate for this type of therapy. But they don't put people on hormones...problem with that statement is that twice they have given her scripts for insulin.  They want to "try" it to help her thyroid.  Two problems, again.  One is the pancreas is where insulin is used, not the thyroid.  The second is, insulin IS A HORMONE.  It is not medication, it is not a drug.  It's delivery system is drug regulated.  It can be synthesized as the other hormones are. 

I don't use the pills of any up to this point, though the thyroid will be possibly in pill form.  I use the cream or gel delivery.  It is easy.  And the good news is I feel better.  I feel like my brain is back, at least in part.  Incredibly, in just a few weeks I am better.  I have a long way to go, but the goal is to feel like I did before the whole menopause process started.  Way, way, way back.  And the cost is not much...because the drug companies do not control the prices.  Yeah.  The cost is less than half what my depression meds were costing.  I am moving off those and off the blood pressure.  My heart is better in this short time.  My hair has stopped thinning and my skin is not dry and thin.  Men can use it too.  They suggest the testosterone which is necessary for bone health and brain function.  Feel better.

I am stepping up to the next level. 

Posted by: ginnygk at 19:09 | link | comments (1)

We all raise our children to be what we hope is good, loving, valuable members of society.  I say all, and I know there are some that this probably does not fit, but for nearly all we want the lives of our children to be better than our own.  It is just that we can guess, hope, observe, and pray we have done our best.  We see their mistakes and take the blame for not getting that lesson exactly right in their upbringing.  We seldom get a defining moment where we are sure we did a good job.  Sometimes we never get that moment. Sometimes we have to make do, transforming a good thing into the defining moment.  I was fortunate to actually have the defining moment after years of search for what has been a blind, often disheartening quest to know that something I tried to teach the boys actually was learned.  It came today and it brought me to my knees.  And it came from two different sons in two different ways. For a woman who never had a child of my own, this is earth shattering. 

The first was from stepson to me.  With all the jealousy we know he feels for adopted son, he still called to day as soon as he heard from his brother.  It was the first time in weeks we have heard from him and we have been frantic with worry and fear.  Justin knows this; he has been concerned as well.  But he did not text his brother back immediately, he called me first.  He wanted me to know that Jon was okay, the legal issues were over, that life was now moving on as we planned months ago.  He was worried about us.  He doesn't often show he even knows we have problems or concerns.  At least I know he is paying attention and he is finally facing that it is not "all about him."  Till next week at least.

The second and most profound is a little more involved.  Jon was involved in an altercation with a man high on substantial drugs and too much alcohol.  Though he did his best to avoid the situation, the man did not and finally Jon was forced to defend himself.  (Without too much detail, this was referred to court and of the more than 3 dozen people who were present at the time of the fight, nearly two thirds showed up in court to support and testify for Jon.  Some of these people, he had never met.)  In the course of the fight, the other man refused to stop and kept attacking and finally Jon gained the upper hand and the fight was over.  But the man then passed out and was hospitalized in a coma.  He died a week later. 

But the important part to me, besides knowing he is okay and he did not intentionally beat a man to death of course, was what happened when he got to court.  He apologized to the other man's family for the fight.  Not because he had to, but because he felt they needed that.  They needed to know he was sorry and was not gloating or taking pride in winning a fight with a man beyond his limit.  More importantly, he gave them enough money for a good funeral, because he felt it was his place to do so.  The fight was not his fault and in all likelihood the man died from years of fighting and drugs and drinking (his arrest record was 24 pages long).  But as a person who believes in right and fairness, he did not feel the family, who could not afford to bury the man, should have to pay for the consequences of an event that eventually ended his life, and Jon did have a part in that event.  He will have to live with this the rest of his life, but at that moment, in a court of law, he told the judge he felt it was his obligation to the family. 

Morality and ethical behavior are subjective at best.  Concern for others is as well.  I believe in the Golden Rule and doing unto others fairly and as I want to be treated.  In the worst possible event of his life, facing a problem of possible punishment for a death that could be attributed to his own hand, a child I raised was more concerned for others than for himself.  He applied that concern in one of the most giving ways, supplying a comfort to a family long burdened by hurt and despair.  He could have used the money in so many other ways.  He received that money because of an auto accident that nearly killed him.  He learned a lesson I hoped to pass on. 

I may not be the best mother, but in this case, I did good.

Posted by: ginnygk at 04:00 | link | comments (1)

It has been a long month of near loss, too much business, too many problems, not enough cash flow, and learning the names of way too many paramedics, doctors, and nurses.  The good news- I have survived, more or less.  And with lessons.

Always be helpful but protect your right to have your say.  Have on hand as many numbers and as much information as possible at the ready.  Write it down if you cannot remember, hell write it down anyway.  Be cooperative.  Answer the questions.  Know personal and non-personal information.  Don't let the big guys intimidate you.  They are brusque and efficient, but it is the truth is, they have to be.  And you need to avoid being too emotional.  Hard to be anything else, I know, but necessary.  Additional advice, don't freak when they use the needles, the paddles, any other equipment.

Never sign anything that hasn't been explained and make sure the facts are clear to everyone.  This means you will have to repeat them over and over, but do it.  Somehow after the second time, it is almost comforting.  And a new phrase I learned when you are not getting the level of care you think is appropriate in a hospital emergency room or general hospital..."nurse risk management."  Life can be so much easier.  Just remember the facts and those three little words.  Oh yeah, Thank you God doesn't hurt either.

Posted by: ginnygk at 00:59 | link | comments (1)

Today I must address a subject most near and dear to my heart, face, legs, arms, and other parts of myself.  Freckles.  Or what used to be freckles.  Now they are hazards to my health and detrimental to my appearance.

I have always had freckles.  Across the nose and over the cheeks.  They are scattered close and far on my hands, arms, chest, legs.  I have lived with them my whole life and I have come to love them.  When others were covering their freckles, I was attempting to figure out how to wear makeup and still allow the freckles to come through.  There are light ones and dark ones  big ones and small ones.  I have been called pixie like, adorable, sunny, too irish, too english and told I should highlight them, hide them, cover them, have them lasered away, and tanned over.  How some spots can emphasize your whole dating experience is amazing.  One man told me that my freckles let guys know that I wasn't "pretty and healthy looking" all the time.  I think that was an insult.  I have even been asked why I colored my red hair brown (I didn't; my hair is brown) and what was I planning on doing with the freckles around my eyes.  Can I do something with them?  Maybe connect them?

You think I jest?  I have connected the dots a few times when bored.  Mother didn't appreciate it right before Easter pictures, but otherwise it was harmless.  And I thought my freckles were harmless until recently when I was told they were forbearers of cancer ( a disease I have now been awaiting if it is true for 50+ years.)  How sad is that.  Even my freckles don't play by the rules.  BUT the newest one is that I should use a fade cream since they are no longer freckles, but (jaws music please) age spots.  otherwise known as liver spots.

Same freckles, same place, same color, except that one that is darker and ugly but then that would be too much to admit or contemplate.  But the reality is, the freckles didn't change, just my age.  And people's perception of age.  No longer are we allowed to have simple skin, hair, or eye differences. No now they are the forebearers of something evil, something we all avoid and dread.  Well I have news for anyone who doesn't like my freckles.  They are still mine, they make me cute, they are old friends, they make me adorable, and if you see them as old woman marks, then that is your problem.  I like 'em, except that really big one on my knee.  So now on to the beauty marks.....

Posted by: ginnygk at 02:48 | link | comments

whose idea was it to name streets by numbers?  if the town is small this might work out well, but as it grows, new ways of naming should be considered.  where i live there are twenty five different 64th's  ave, rd, lane, blvd, street, st.rd, place road, ave lane, lane road.  i live on 111 court just off 234 place road two blocks from 112 lane road.  and it is not just out here in the boonies.  a friend of mine wanted to build on ne 24th ave.  now we know all streets and blvds. run east-west, and all avenues and roads run north south, so one would assume that when you pass 23 ave the next one would be 24th ave?  well you would be wrong.  it is 25 ave road, and the one after that is 27 ave.  got that?  i still don't know where her house is.  we just meet at charlie horse's (they have the best wings) on 40, which leads me to another problem.

in an effort to further confuse drivers and mapping companies sometimes roads are multiple numbers.  ne 14th is also 10th st and to make matters worse, Bonnie Heath Boulevard.  40 is Silver Springs Blvd.  sw 10 is also 200, state road 200 and sw college ave.  17th street is hwy 464 which is maricamp blvd.  uh huh.  all addresses are legal, the post office recognizes all those names (might explain the price of postage...with rescuing all the lost postal delivery people).  the truly crown jewel though has to be where us highways 27, 301, and 441 are all the same road, aka 4th ave or otherwise known as pine ave.  yep all four names, all four used by various people and businesses on a long stretch of town, country, city.  wait, that's five         i think.

this plan is so confusing that expedia and mapquest have a hard time finding roads.  sometimes they just insist you must mean another aveplaceroadblvd.  only one area of the county (besides the town of Dunnellon) have real names.  hickory and hibicus and sandy are so refreshing.  of course there is that small problem with the trail road off the trail ave, but we can overcome that.  of course i realize names can be confusing, too.  justin gave me directions to turn left on hickory and right on pecan.  the roads were actually left on laurel and right on chestnut, but then he works on sw 19th ave road and just moved from 34th place ave frontage.  hard to make the switch quickly.

the town was laid out in its present form in the early 20th century which is why there is still a magnolia ave, a wenona, watula, wyomina, and fort king plus a few others, very few.  but the rest were all changed to the number system during the this time.  i am pretty sure it was during the time of gertrude stein and picasso and hemingway.  maybe the absinthe prohibition came here late or the marijuana scene came early, but something made those people think this would be easier.  and it would be if i could just find a map to direct me to sw 236 lane ave. or was it court lane or road street...

Posted by: ginnygk at 04:13 | link | comments (2)

Today a heroine died.  She was beautiful, powerful, passionate, and compassionate.  She was hard as nails and a fighter.  She was dismissed from her home and fought to get back.  She was one of my heroes.  She believed in something, and was willing to die for those things she believed in.  Unfortunately, she did.  Like her father before her, she was trying to make her country stronger, better. 

Now she will be used as a weapon of hate against others.  She will be remembered as much for the turmoil her death left behind as for her life.  Already others are using her memory and death as a sword to smite down enemies both real and imagined or created, to call attention to themselves.

Let us take the three days the leadership has called for to mourn her loss, so young and yet so old.  Let us pray that people come together in her name (they will not, but we can pray).  Let us remember that at 35 she was leading a country out of darkness and into a future, punished, betrayed, exiled, and then murdered.  Let us remember she thought that saving her country was worth it all.

Benazir Bhutto  -May she finally have peace and freedom.

Posted by: ginnygk at 01:47 | link | comments

Random, random, random

Could someone pass a law where we could put stupid people in public office who say stupid things in jail for say, 30 days?  Might attract a better crowd if this was a penalty for stupidity.

I realized when I could not take my car the 60 miles to my family home, that this was probably a signal that going anywhere was going to be difficult.  Since we can't "buy" anything on credit for five years or get credit cards, etc  I guess those dreams of Italy, England, Spain, France, Hawaii are pretty much shot to @#$%.  I learned that term in doctor school. 

Even if I could go somewhere, a spouse with limited abilities after noon, probably puts the kabash on it as well.  (another doctor phrase not to be confused with Mrs. Calabash)

Can you really point to an odder pairing that worked than Bing Crosby and David Bowie?  One of my fondest memories of tv as a kid. 

 First time I missed family at Christmas except one year I lived in Texas.  Holiday without family, even ones that make you crazy, might as well be a work day.

Having three jobs does not impress the bankruptcy trustee.  More interested in why they aren't higher paying jobs.  Damn attorneys.

Finally found the red purse, Christmas Day...sigh

How bad is life when going to work is the best thing you can think of doing and you don't really like the work you do?  Please do not answer and spoil it for me.

Posted by: ginnygk at 23:46 | link | comments

Ah the joy of Christmas!  Merry Christmas to all.  Happy Holidays, Kwanza, Hannukah (which I missed). 

Everything that was joy and is joy in our house is the children.  The adults have chosen to act like spoiled adults.  Thank heaven for the Christmas wrapping paper for the 1 year old and the other toys and stuff, even those belonging to her sisters, for the four year old.  There won't be ham and turkey and five kinds of pie, but there will be pork roast salvaged from earlier in the week and a pumpkin pie made with substitutes for eggs, since I didn't expect to make one.  But the kids have eaten, apples, candy, cookies, and whatever paper Kai could get in her mouth without us seeing.

So the gifts are open, the kids are complaining of tummy aches before noon, and the adults are avoiding each other.  {sigh}  Are the holidays over yet?

 

Posted by: ginnygk at 16:51 | link | comments

It is very sad at our house today. Clara is laying on the loveseat, just staring at the door.   Daisy runs in and out the door and Sam is pacing the floor.  Bugsy is more needy that normal and Snuffy just can't seem to get relaxed.  Quita and Clara are starting arguments over nothing and Michael tears up looking at the floor.

Cherokee died yesterday.  Eleven years she was our heart and center.  She chose us by refusing to go back home and sitting at our back fence for an hour yelping until someone went and got her.  And she immediately, at seven weeks, climbed on the couch and went to sleep.  She never left. She was our alpha dog, even when we had a male that thought he was the big dog.  She rearranged his attitude.  She rearranged a lot of attitudes, sometimes overdoing it and when it was unnecessary.  But she was the boss.  And she loved her dad.  "Dad's at the gate" was sure to send her barreling out the door at galloping speed.

She loved to ride.  Around the block, across the state, for two minutes or a day, she was always ready to go.  A trip to Interlachen?  She knew the minute we took that road to the right that a hamburger waited down the road.  She only had to remove the pickle.  Or the carrots.  Otherwise, any food would do.  Even when others didn't eat because they did not like the food or they were sick, she had no such problems.  At one point she weighed 95 lbs and it was all muscle.  She had manners and behaved like she had been trained.  I will miss that.  None of the other dogs seem to know how to listen.

And we will miss her kisses, her smile, her joy at being with us.  And we will miss our joy at being with her.

Posted by: ginnygk at 01:24 | link | comments (2)

There are, in the news, few topics that are essential to the way we impact our future.  Oh, there are the global warming issues, the next leader of whatever country, the car of the future, and weather, always weather.  But truly one new debate will have a great affect on the future simply by the nature of its subject, children.  Specifically the subject is children who have committed crimes and been charged as adults.  Some are in prison with no hope of parole as part of their sentence.  But new science and issues indicate that there are some problems involved with deciding to send a child to prison for life.  And our social conscience seems to be bothering us.  Both are indicators that the subject should be reconsidered.

First, new science shows the brain does not fully mature and make sound decisions until the last minute of teen years or early 20s.  This poses a real problem for the "hang 'em high" group.  It does not, however, excuse deadly force, murder by plan, or other unreasonable criminal activity, which in essence means all illegal activity.  It does give pause for better ways to deal with many of these children.  And for the matter of principle, yes there are totally evil children as well as totally evil adults. 

Second, punishments are far too easy when it is one size fits all.  Do the vampire killers of the mother and father deserve long sentences?  Yes, but life is about learning the hard lesson and there are not lessons that can be addressed when you are in jail from childhood through adulthood.  Do the teens involved in beating homeless need to be jailed?  Again, yes, but let us remember that there is a point where children need help, counseling, time to process and understand their actions.  Time out as it were, for a long time.

Children are impulsive creatures and their ability to reign in anger and spite are difficult actions to judge.  Some of the things adults would oppose, get upset over, or laugh off are dire events for children (remember high school, crushes, fights, popularity issues?).  Worse, today we put in their hands, make available, create and sell the very things we don't understand them using.  I know that getting a handgun or an AK-47 or whatever the newest mass murder weapong is, was not just difficult, but impossible to get when I was a child.  The play, "West Side Story"  was the first publicly dramatized use of a knife to kill one teen by another and it was horrific.  Today we wish they would use knives.  At least they would have to get up close, take a punch or two, and look the victim in the eye.  Not so with an automatic weapon.  Just walk in, spray a million bullets and leave. 

Prisons are another problem.  We send kids to children's prisons, which are child corporeal punishment zones legalized.  Lessons are, "as long as you don't bother the guards with problems you get to eat, drink, and be left alone. " Otherwise you get punished.  Just breathing in the wrong pattern can get you busted, literally and figuratively.  "Don't bother me, you won't be dragged down and put in lockdown."  Kids need to go to a place where they learn to act appropriately, learn the differences between what is right and wrong, lessons they don't get at home.  They need to find out there are rules and actions that do not meet the standards of rules which in turn means punishment.  And there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel.  Youth is about hope, and when that is lost, so are youth and the future.

It is time to reexamine our methods.  We need to judge our own flaws, not just the horrors and shock at the ability of children to hurt, maim, and kill.  We need to find punishments that serve the purpose, and programs that give direction, lessons, hope to children who have made mistakes.  Does sexual relations between a ten year old and a seven year old really require a 10 year prison sentence and lifelong designation as a sexual offender?  If it does, then lots of kids who played doctor should be held accountable.  No wait, then millions would be punished for just being kids.  And kids who fight in school, they need major discipline, not two years in a facility.  Otherwise we are punishing them without teaching them right from wrong, giving them a limit on hope, punishing them for being kids.  And I would prefer to weed out a few bad disciplinarians in schools than weed out a bunch of kids who don't understand the rules of consequences for actions.  I also would prefer that children go to prison in a setting that benefits them, with lessons and discipline, education and some play. with people who care about them and the future, not the next paycheck and the fact they can be mean if they want to.  I don't think they should be molly coddled, forgiven, defended by parents on the grounds they are just kids.  All of this leads to more of the same.  There must be consequences; but those consequences should be kid consequences, not adult consequences.  Otherwise we are Hitlers trying to eliminate being kids.

 

Posted by: ginnygk at 13:55 | link | comments